So much of the creation of art is just mind games with myself.
Right now I have, of course, reached a point where I’ve managed to develop several sketches pretty well into actual drawings. This is, definitely, a huge success.
Unfortunately I’ve become very attached to them. I really want them to work. I really want to capture that emotion and convert it into a picture. I really want them to become finished pieces of art that I can share and show you and be proud of. I know that these could be great illustrations.
But, of course, that’s not the point at the moment. The point is to push myself to learn to finish illustrations traditionally. I have just (admittedly half-heartedly) attempted that with one piece and… it’s not going well.
And so I get scared. I worry that it will never work. I procrastinate because I don’t want to fail and I do nothing, because that’s psychologically easier than trying again. I put in a half-hearted effort because why try hard?
Fortunately, I knew this was going to happen, and wrote down why I am doing all this at the beginning, so I could refer back when I didn’t want to anymore. And so, here is the essence of my why:
I really like a lot of traditional pictures I’ve made. I want to be able to do that consistently, and for imagined scenes. I want to explore my own artistic voice in other mediums. I want to see if I can transfer my sketch style into finished pieces. I want to sit down, without a computer, and create something beautiful and meaningful.
Right now, of course, this doesn’t feel like quite enough. But it’s a useful reminder that this is all part of an ongoing learning curve. I’m doing this for the sake of my many, many future sketches, that I will love as much as these ones.
Time to take a deep breath, and figure out a way to make this work.